Completely Frustrated

I don't know whether to cry or not, and keep telling myself it won't do any damn good if I do.

What with the I.R.S. completely fucking me over for school, and myself for letting it happen, I am so fucking frustrated that I couldn't go to school this semester. I should have been starting school on Monday, but instead I am still sitting here at home wishing I was there.

On top of that is that I am applying to roughly 20-25 jobs a day, somedays more, somedays less depending on what is posted ... and I am not hearing back from hardly any employers. In fact the only ones I do hear back from are so far out of the area that I probably shouldn't be applying to them in the first place, except I keep hoping beyond hope that they will pay for relocation services, because I sure as fuck can't afford it.

Take this morning for example, I had two phone interviews. One was for a company in Ohio, and the other was for the same company but down in North Carolina. Both editors loved me and my qualification, and the working wage was decent, although not what I would call spectacular, and either one would have hired me on the spot, except I can't afford to drive out there and set myself up.

Yesterday I got a call back from a hiring service in Portland, which is where I really want to move and they said I have a phenomenal resume, and if I find myself moving to Portland on my own they could put me to work, the problem is I can't just up and move their without having a regular job ready and waiting for me. First I have no place to stay, and second I have no money to get a place to stay, and third I still have people here at home relying on me to come up with some way of helping to pay the bills ... although, I haven't been able to do that very well lately either.

The companies in my own area don't even call me. Hell, I'm not even sure they are receiving my resumes that I have been sending out. I am assuming they are getting the resumes because people from outside my area are getting them. So why the fuck aren't they calling and beating down my door. I'm knocking as hard as I can. Is it because I am overqualified for many of the positions being offered around here? Maybe. Is it because I am just getting too damn old and they think I will be a bad employee because I'm old? Who knows.

All I know is that I have been technically out of work for nine months now and bills are piling up and I am frustrated as hell and don't know what else to do.