Tomorrow looms ever present in my thoughts, never retracting enough to allow me to breath. Mortality crashes down upon the soul crushing me beneath its heavy burden, while I try to grasp at the tendrils of my youth that remain, however few and wispy they are, but I can’t get a handhold on their ethereal tentacles.
Regrets for things I have done, I have few. Regrets for things I have NOT done, I have many. With the days quickly closing the gap between the time I came in like a lion, a hollering and screaming at being taken out of such a safe, warm place, to the time when I endeavor to go out the same way I wonder if there is enough time to do all the things I wish to do during this existence, and I find that the answer does not elude me as much as I wish, but is hammering away at me with a stiff finger on my forehead punctuating each word with a sharp jab, and that word is the same over and over again: “No!”
There are those who need me, those who want me to succeed and those who wish I fail in complete misery and abject solitude. I go on despite them all. My bones are weary though and begging me to just let them lie still for eternity, or longer, just so they can have a respite. I can’t give in to the bones though, I can’t let them decide where my heart and head belong, because if I do then regret is the only thing I will ever know, and I can’t live or die with only that.
The knowing of that which is not wanting to be known rips and tears at my being. The rage building up inside at the shear powerlessness of knowing what the future holds in store for me is fueling a new surge that with any luck and lot of prayers to all those immortals who may or may not be watching over me will tide me over as I step off the path of normality, and with no gentle caress of my limbs on the stones of future endeavors I trample forward blindly, but with purpose and hope renewed that I can at least serve as an example of dogged determination to do what my heart and head calls.
Or die trying.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Friday, July 24, 2015
Test for twitter
This is a test, just a test. Had this been a real blog you would have been informed by homing pigeon.
Getting Ready To Go Dark
So, a lot has been happening recently, such as we are getting evicted from the house that we have lived in for the past year and a half.
This is a good thing though!
The wife and I have been talking for years about how we would like to live in a tiny home, or live on the road full time, and now the time for talking is almost done and we are going to make it happen. Being evicted is just going to be the catalyst that gets our asses out of the talking sphere into the actual doing it.
The reason for the eviction is because my landlord finally found out that we have been subletting a room in our house illegally to a friend (brother) and it's no fault of the landlord that this situation happened. I totally blame myself. I'm just too nice sometimes and it gets me in trouble, but then again I'd rather be the kind of person that takes care of his friends and ends up homeless than a jerk who doesn't care about anyone. So it's all cool as far as I am concerned.
My buddy felt so bad about this happening because of him that he dropped $500 extra into my lap on the way out, which is going to help a considerable amount toward our new adventure! See, this is why I take care of my friends, because it all comes back around eventually.
OK, so the plan!
We are currently in the process of selling off all the furniture and larger items in our house, so that we can combine it with the $1,300 we have to our name and eventually buy a motorhome to live in. We are just so sick of living in a ticky-tacky house, paying rent to live a ticky-tacky existence and for what? So we can live from paycheck to paycheck just barely surviving and hating every single day that we wake up, in a place we don't want to live? Fuck that. Done with it.
A couple of friends of ours have a trailer that they are going to let us live in for a couple of months while we save up money for our new rolling home, and if things work out it looks like they are buying a new house about a 1/2 hour outside of town, and they have said that if the deal goes through, we can set up the trailer on the property and live there for a couple of months, which would put us into late October or early November before we need to get our RV.
During the time we live in the trailer I have a couple of things to fix on the Mini Cooper and then I can sell it and get out from under the monthly car payment for it. At the same time we need to find a tow system for the Jeep Wrangler so we can tow it behind whatever RV we end up with. The tricky part is that neither one of us is willing to give up our 300 pound cast iron bathtub. The solution I have devised is to weld a platform on the back end of the RV that can hold the tub, but I have to make it strong enough to hold it AND the water we fill it with AND the weight of a person in the water. Could be tricky, but I think it can be done, and that we can do it and have a tow bar that extends behind that to tow the Jeep. We'll see once we buy an RV.
The other fun thing is that we have a 100 pound Anatolian Shepard (think St. Bernard and you will be close) who is going to have to live in the RV with us AND a cat! Not too worried about the dog running away because she gets separation anxiety if I leave the room. The cat on the other hand loves being outside and only really comes in when he hears food being prepared. Cats!
OK, on top of all that we want to outfit our RV with Solar panels and charging system. I've priced it and we should be able to get all the power we need in a 500 watt system for around $800-$900, which in the long run will save us a fortune and we will be able to stay off the grid for longer amounts of time.
The thing I'm most worried about is being able to get internet. I know we can sometimes be able to hit places that have free wi-fi, but that will be few and far between. I'm considering getting an unlimited data plan with my phone and the plan that turns my phone into a hot spot. Not sure how much that is going to cost yet, but I'm thinking somewhere close to an extra $100 a month, which would be really cutting it tight when we are living on the road and not knowing where our next paycheck is coming from. So yeah, that could be a problem in the long run.
As for work on the road, well I'm hoping to be able to sell some of my photography, and write freelance articles for magazines, newspapers, or whoever will shell out a few coins for my measly ability to put two words together in an almost cohesive sentence. My wife is the one that has more marketable skills when it comes to living on the road, even though she thinks she will be the one holding us back. She isn't afraid to do any kind of work and loves to grow things, which I think will get us in with the hippy communities and we should never have to worry about where our next meal is coming from. The things we will need money for (gas, internet, fixing things that break) will be more my area of the partnership.
The thought of all this is scary as hell, but at the same time I'm so fucking excited I can't wait to get started. I think it will be a harder life than either of us has ever known, and I'm not deluded enough to think that it's going to be all roses and easy days, but I think we will both be healthier than we are now and SOOOO much happier. I do know that if I don't get out from sitting behind this computer all day I am just going to waste away to nothing. I can feel my body slowly dying as I sit here and feel like rigamortis is already setting in, and I need to do something .... ANYTHING ... to bring life back into myself.
So, here we go. Wish us well and we hope to see you when we are out on the road!
This is a good thing though!
The wife and I have been talking for years about how we would like to live in a tiny home, or live on the road full time, and now the time for talking is almost done and we are going to make it happen. Being evicted is just going to be the catalyst that gets our asses out of the talking sphere into the actual doing it.
The reason for the eviction is because my landlord finally found out that we have been subletting a room in our house illegally to a friend (brother) and it's no fault of the landlord that this situation happened. I totally blame myself. I'm just too nice sometimes and it gets me in trouble, but then again I'd rather be the kind of person that takes care of his friends and ends up homeless than a jerk who doesn't care about anyone. So it's all cool as far as I am concerned.
My buddy felt so bad about this happening because of him that he dropped $500 extra into my lap on the way out, which is going to help a considerable amount toward our new adventure! See, this is why I take care of my friends, because it all comes back around eventually.
OK, so the plan!
We are currently in the process of selling off all the furniture and larger items in our house, so that we can combine it with the $1,300 we have to our name and eventually buy a motorhome to live in. We are just so sick of living in a ticky-tacky house, paying rent to live a ticky-tacky existence and for what? So we can live from paycheck to paycheck just barely surviving and hating every single day that we wake up, in a place we don't want to live? Fuck that. Done with it.
A couple of friends of ours have a trailer that they are going to let us live in for a couple of months while we save up money for our new rolling home, and if things work out it looks like they are buying a new house about a 1/2 hour outside of town, and they have said that if the deal goes through, we can set up the trailer on the property and live there for a couple of months, which would put us into late October or early November before we need to get our RV.
During the time we live in the trailer I have a couple of things to fix on the Mini Cooper and then I can sell it and get out from under the monthly car payment for it. At the same time we need to find a tow system for the Jeep Wrangler so we can tow it behind whatever RV we end up with. The tricky part is that neither one of us is willing to give up our 300 pound cast iron bathtub. The solution I have devised is to weld a platform on the back end of the RV that can hold the tub, but I have to make it strong enough to hold it AND the water we fill it with AND the weight of a person in the water. Could be tricky, but I think it can be done, and that we can do it and have a tow bar that extends behind that to tow the Jeep. We'll see once we buy an RV.
The other fun thing is that we have a 100 pound Anatolian Shepard (think St. Bernard and you will be close) who is going to have to live in the RV with us AND a cat! Not too worried about the dog running away because she gets separation anxiety if I leave the room. The cat on the other hand loves being outside and only really comes in when he hears food being prepared. Cats!
OK, on top of all that we want to outfit our RV with Solar panels and charging system. I've priced it and we should be able to get all the power we need in a 500 watt system for around $800-$900, which in the long run will save us a fortune and we will be able to stay off the grid for longer amounts of time.
The thing I'm most worried about is being able to get internet. I know we can sometimes be able to hit places that have free wi-fi, but that will be few and far between. I'm considering getting an unlimited data plan with my phone and the plan that turns my phone into a hot spot. Not sure how much that is going to cost yet, but I'm thinking somewhere close to an extra $100 a month, which would be really cutting it tight when we are living on the road and not knowing where our next paycheck is coming from. So yeah, that could be a problem in the long run.
As for work on the road, well I'm hoping to be able to sell some of my photography, and write freelance articles for magazines, newspapers, or whoever will shell out a few coins for my measly ability to put two words together in an almost cohesive sentence. My wife is the one that has more marketable skills when it comes to living on the road, even though she thinks she will be the one holding us back. She isn't afraid to do any kind of work and loves to grow things, which I think will get us in with the hippy communities and we should never have to worry about where our next meal is coming from. The things we will need money for (gas, internet, fixing things that break) will be more my area of the partnership.
The thought of all this is scary as hell, but at the same time I'm so fucking excited I can't wait to get started. I think it will be a harder life than either of us has ever known, and I'm not deluded enough to think that it's going to be all roses and easy days, but I think we will both be healthier than we are now and SOOOO much happier. I do know that if I don't get out from sitting behind this computer all day I am just going to waste away to nothing. I can feel my body slowly dying as I sit here and feel like rigamortis is already setting in, and I need to do something .... ANYTHING ... to bring life back into myself.
So, here we go. Wish us well and we hope to see you when we are out on the road!
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