Goodbye last chapter

Another chapter in this crazy thing I call "life" came to a close yesterday, and for just a little bit I was feeling maudlin about closing it and moving on to a new chapter. Only for a little bit though.

What a weekend though. Man did we get a workout. We got all our stuff completely moved out and packed into a 12' trailer, a little work trailer we tow behind the jeep and into the bus, which showed us just how much stuff we have to get rid of to be able to live this kind of life where the bus is our home.

One thing to note though is that I threw my back out moving down here from Coeur d'Alene two years ago and have suffered stoically (or not so stoically if you ask my wife) though the pain and have been to a chiropractor a few times since we got here. On Saturday when my wife was gone doing some errand I was still moving stuff into the bus, and you know how school buses are with the big door at the back? Well I had just taken a load into the bus and was coming out of the bus stepping down to a little step stool and I slipped and fell really hard. I landed with the very middle of my back on the back of the bus, bent over backwards and afraid that I had just severed my spinal cord. I'm not lying when I say I was completely scared and freaked out and all I could do was stand there in complete pain afraid to move for several minutes. I didn't even try to call out for help because I knew no one was around, and I was alone and all on my own. When I did finally dare to move, I straightened up slowly, sure that I was never going to be able to move the rest of the stuff into the bus and I would be forced to rely on other people, but 'lo and behold I was fine. In fact more than fine. My back had finally "POPPED" back into place.

Apparently my chiropractor has been going about fixing my back the wrong way. What he needed to do was just bend me over completely backwards with a knee in my back, and then pull with all his might.

So anyway, last night we pulled out of the driveway and drove the bus across town to where I work and spent the night parked alongside the building. The nice this is that I have the combination to go in the building, so I was able to run an extension cord inside and hook us up to power, and since we are parked right next to my office, we are able to get wi-fi coming from computer. So we had a nice relaxing evening snacking on pizza and watching Netflix on my 46" TV which is sitting on a dresser at the end of our bed. It actually kinda felt like we were in a movie theater ... but with comfortable seating.

This morning I tore down the walls of my pride and took my boss and the owner aside and asked for permission to park next to the building until we can find a more permanent place to make this our home, and I was greatly relieved and more than a little overjoyed when they said it would be fine, and asked if there was anything else they could do to help.

There are many things I don't like about Boise, and about working at a job that keeps me stuck in front of a computer all day long and rarely ever seeing the sun, but my bosses are NOT one of those things. They are truly compassionate people who are always willing to lend a hand, and I'm not even sure why I was hesitant to ask them, as I knew what kind of people they were. Too often I let my own pride get in the way of doing the things I need to do. I really want to try to not be that way as we go off into the future into our new life, and to be joyful and thankful of those that help us along the way.

Anxiety level

I don't usually get anxious about most things. I feel like I am a fairly grounded person and things in life have always worked out for me where I have always had a roof over my head, food to eat, a bug-free place to sleep in comfort, and a warm shower to make me feel clean and healthy.

Then again, I have never set out to put myself in a position of homelessness.

The thought of NOT having a home to come to after work where I can relax and play some video games and maybe watch some tube, and cook dinner on a functional stove, is sending my anxiety level skyrocketing today.

I freely admit, I am really scared about our decision, and if I was a praying sort of person I would be so inclined right now, but seeing as I have usually only prayed to the gods of fishing and sex, I'm pretty sure the other ones know I have been ignoring them for years, so I am sure they are up there looking down on me and having a riotous good laugh at my expense right now. Do you think there is a god of homelessness?

Moving stuff, then moving it again

So with the clock quickly ticking down on the time we are in a "normal" living abode, we packed almost everything we owned in an enclosed trailer a few days ago before we bought the bus in the anticipation of moving out to some friends property in Mountain Home, Idaho. Turns out our friends boyfriend who owns the property has very little sense of humor and borders on being a psycho ... so we passed.

Now that we have the bus we have had to rethink where we want our possessions, which means that this evening I had to tear into the already stored stuff in the trailer and pull out the items that we immediately want in the bus. Of course, as it turns out, everything we wanted was clear at the fucking front of the trailer, so we pretty much unloaded the whole damn thing, to get to a few items. Tomorrow I may think about repacking the trailer.

On a plus note, I sweated my ass off, so I consider that my workout for the day, and I drank a liter of water, so yeah, there's that too! I may have undone all that hard work and water drinking by slamming a beer though. Oh well, we only live once, unless you subscribe to Buddhism, then you might make it around this clock a few times. I kinda do subscribe to that chain of thinking, so take that for what you will.

Anyway, one of my major worries right now is that we have no place to park our bus while we work on it and make it a home. Mainly I am worried about our dog and cat and how hot they may get during the day when we are at work. In fact, I am incredibly worried about that more than anything else, and so far I have no answer.

With that weighing heavily on my mind, I decided to throw it out there to the universe and see if it came back at me with a resounding slap in the face or a tickle of the balls. I decided to write a craigslist ad (I know, only serial killers use craigslist, but I'm kinda desperate).

Here is the ad I wrote:

Hey there awesome people!!! Don't let the $300 discourage you, that is what we would "like" to pay, but we are willing to bargain and work out a deal!
OK, so here is the deal. My fabulous wife and I are looking for a place to park/live and remodel our new-to-us school bus into an RV/Home. That's right, you cool cats, we have a "Skoolie" and we intend to make this our forever home!
Sounds crazy right? Sure, it might be, but it's our dream to make this into something incredibly awesome that we will be proud to show off to our family, friends and complete strangers.
About now you are probably thinking "Oh crap, damn hippies!" The thing is you are only partially right! My wife has that whole hippie thing going on where she sees the good in everyone, and she loves to garden (in fact is still working on her degree in botany/therapy) and she is just one of those lovely people that everyone loves to hang out with and is like everyone's mom ... that cusses enough to make a sailor blush! On the other hand is me, the shaved head dude with the long goatee and horn rim glasses looking almost like an old hipster. I do photography for fun and have a steady job as a graphic designer (been doing it for almost 20 years now ... shit that seems like a long time!) who loves to drink his micro brews and play video games when I have the time, which I won't for a while since we are going to be poring our blood, sweat and tears into making this bus our home.
Oh, just to make things perfectly clear WE ARE NOT VEGANS. Nope, I likes me a good fricken steak, and it better be bloody rare! And BACON!! OMG, I love bacon. That shit is gonna kill me one of these days, but it's a hella way to go, right? Did I mention my wife is a kickass cook! Hells yeah! That woman can make a gourmet meal outta scraps and if you live anywhere close you are gonna be drooling and invite yourself over to eat with us as often as possible ... and you know you are totally welcome at our table anytime! Warning though, she starts most dishes with a healthy amount of garlic, so if you're a night crawling vampire with your fangs out, you may have to pass on her cooking!
Along with us comes 100 pounds of furry love in the form of an Anatolian Shepherd (think cross between a St. Bernard and a German Shepherd) who has instilled in her from generations of breeding to protect sheep from wolves. She doesn't like other dogs much until they have submitted to her will, not that she would actually attack them, but she has a 98 decibel bark that is scary as fricken hell. I know, because when she has to go outside to go pee, she gets right in my face and it looks like a hell hound is going to rip my face off ... luckily I know she loves me and wouldn't actually ever hurt anything, hell she ignores the squirrels on the fence throwing acorns at her, and she thinks our cat is one of her sheep that she has to protect. For that matter, I'm pretty sure she thinks we are sheep, and her job is to make sure no wolves (dogs) are able to get within 10 feet of us. But you know what, she is gonna be our security system when we finally say "screw it all" and hit the road. Pretty sure we will never have to worry about anyone getting close with how loud her bark is. What we should worry about is if we are going to be able to keep our hearing in tact when she decides to use that voice inside the bus! Speaking of which, if you happen to have a construction site and you want overnight security and don't mind us working on our bus ... well the three of us would be a fricken bargain! We would be ecstatic to exchange security service for a place to park for a few months while you build around us!
By now, if you are still here, you are asking yourself "what can I do to help out these awesome fricken people?" Well let me tell you brother and sister, what we are looking for is a little bit of land to put our bus on (And that big ol' bastard runs! She ain't just gonna sit there forever, because we won't be able to sit still for long) and maybe share in your power and water until we can get our solar system paid for and installed, and the bus looking like an awesome 300 sq ft tiny home on wheels! For a short time we will need just a little extra space for a P.O.S. broken down RV we are going to buy and straight out strip the parts from, and then that piece of shit is gonna go to the scrap yard. But trust me, I'm gonna get this done as quickly as possible so that no is put out by that eyesore for very long. I may be an artist, but I'm an artist with a work ethic that knows how to get shit done.
Now we are looking to be as close to Boise/Garden City as possible because, you know, that's where I go to put in my time and get those almighty useful green pieces of paper that I am going to use to pay you for letting us park at your place and share your water and electricity! The closer we live to work, the less I will have to pay on gas to get back and forth to work, and the more I can afford to pay you!
Now that you have decided that you are already in love with us, and you can't imagine your life without us in it, give us a jingle, write us a text or an email, or simply speak to the wind and hope we are on the same wave length of spiritual awareness (the last one is not nearly as reliable a form as communication as one would hope) and lets talk, have a drink together (tea works fine too) and discuss the details!
Thank you, namaste, gracious, Go raibh maith agat, etc. etc. etc ...
Alf & Candy
seven0four nineteen sixty seven
obligatory hashtags
#property, #schoolbus, #wegotcash, #renttous

I've already had the universe start responding. A very nice cross dresser said she has some friends with property just 20 minutes down the road and she is going to talk to them. They need help with bills, and as it just happens we have the money to help, and they have the land for us to live on. We will see tomorrow if this is going to be a viable thing or not.

For tonight, I think I shall go take a shower and hit the sack.

The Crazy Bus

So, my beautiful other half and I lost our fucking minds yesterday and made a huge purchase. Literally, it is HUGE, like 40 foot long and 15 feet high. We bought a motherfucking bus, and for once I get to be on a real bus, instead of the figurative short bus that everyone tells me I should be on.

Desperate times, call for desperate measures.

So, here's the deal. A few short weeks ago our landlord found out that we were subletting a room to a friend and told us this violated our lease (one of those things I never bothered to read) and told us we had to get out. In essence, and reality, we were evicted from our house. Well, our credit score sucks ass as we are both in monetary recovery from crap our exes pulled, so our credit score combined with an eviction has made it so no one will now rent to us, plus we have a dog and cat so a bunch of places won't rent to us because of them. And we can't buy because no one will loan us the money. So what are you supposed to do in that situation? Especially when it is coming down to the wire and you only have less than one week before you have to be out of your place?

You get fucking creative is what you do.

We have talked since we first met about tiny home living, you know, getting rid of all the crap in our lives and living on just what we need and WANT to have in our lives. Well, we weren't exactly ready to beyond the talking and planning stage yet, but this circumstance has become a catalyst for getting our asses in gear ... and in this case the gear comes with a 454 Cummins Diesel, that purrs like a fucking lion who is pissed off.

I'm not really a praying kind of person, if I chose to pray to anyone it would be the gods of fishing and sex (Try not to pray to wrong god at the wrong time), but my lovely lady is the praying kind, and she put it out there for the universe to provide us with something in our time of desperate need ... and apparently the universe listened!

We found this already started bus conversion that someone needed to sell because they had to leave for the other side of the country because of a death in the family. We were able to pick up this smooth running 1991 Ford B7000 school bus for a whopping $1,280 (including tax and title).

Now the plan is to find a non-running RV on craigslist that has other things that work, like a generator, fridge, stove, plumbing and other stuff. I saw one today for $600 that everything works except the engine, and I think I can get it for $400, which is more than we would pay for just a generator by itself. Hopefully it will be there next payday.

Then the real work begins.

Feel like crying

Why is it that whenever I feel the need to ask my family for money that it drives me into serious depression? It's not like I ask all that often ... like once every 10 years. And it's not like they ever have loaned me much to begin with. I remember borrowing $300 from one of my brothers about 20 years ago to get back to California from Montana and I paid him as soon as I got home to Cali.

I guess one of the reasons it makes me feel so bad is because it makes me feel like such a damn failure that I have to resort to begging. It's purely my pride bringing me down, or lack of said pride.

Another reason is because I have never really felt a part of my family. As many of you know, my grandparents adopted me and raised me as one of their own, but the fact of the matter is that most of my "brothers" only see me as the son of the sister that none of them liked because she was an alcoholic and a drug abuser, and it doesn't matter how hard I fight as a vocal advocate against drug and alcohol abuse that I can't seem lift that stigma of being born from one. Well, at least in the eyes of my brothers.

So to go begging for money from these guys who have never really considered me one of their own, is even harder than asking complete strangers on the street, I think. It just reinforces that I am not good enough in their eyes to make it on my own. At least this is what runs through my head when I have to do something as demeaning as asking them for money.

The thing is, if they would have truly accepted me as one of their own when I was younger and helped me out as much as they helped each other out, then I wouldn't be in the boat I am in today. They seem to have short memories and don't remember that they all got their start with the help of either our dad, who loaned them money when they needed, or from one of the older brothers. Unfortunately dad wasn't around to give me as much support as he gave them, and since they don't really see me as a "true" brother, I have never really had the support from them.

I try so hard everyday to make it in this world that I am woefully unfit to compete in, and the struggle just seems to get harder and harder, and the only support I have is emotional support (which don't get me wrong, is fabulous to have), from my wife and kids and a few friends, but when it comes down to financial matters, I suck at them no matter how hard I try, and I have no one that can, or is willing, to help me figure out this part of my life. I've been purely making shit up as I go along and I just can't seem to get it right.

I am a failure.

Indecision

Have you ever been so stressed that you mind just shuts down and you can't seem to make any important decisions, because you are afraid that your choice is going to be wrong, and you can't afford to make another wrong decision at this critical juncture?

That's how I have felt everyday for the last month.

I. Am. Afraid. To. Make. Any. Decision.