Not The Plan

I had this plan you see. It was a good plan. A well thought out plan. A plan that I made several lifetimes ago. A plan that didn't include all this baggage I have to deal with now.

See, I made a deal with myself almost 21 years ago when I found out my girlfriend at the time was pregnant with my child that I would see it through. I'd be there for the kid, unlike my own biological mom and dad. I'd be there until she turned at least 18. I'd be a real father.

I was too.I was a fantastic father. I was an amazing father. And not just to her. I was there for her brother who came along a couple years later. I was the father that was there for every soccer game, band recital, play performance, broken arm, taught them to ride bicycles, and kissed every bump and bruise.

But the plan was that when they grew up ... I was gone. I was gonna be back on the road doing what I love to do. Travel!

Now the kids are grown. I have fulfilled my promise to myself and to them. My daughter is almost 21 and my son is 19.

Only, now I'm not able to fulfill the other half of my deal.

Over the course of the last year and a half, some stuff has happened with my son and he got in a little trouble with the law, and now I have to be here for him ... and it makes me frustrated with how things were supposed to be.

I went and started making plans a while back to head off and finish my college education now that I was no longer going to be responsible for their every want and need.

Hell, I was out and gone from home before I was 18. That's just how it's supposed to be.

His mom hasn't followed through on a single promise she has made to help out with him since he came home. Which leaves it up to me to be both mom and dad to a 19 year old boy. A boy whom I might add is generally a wonderful person, he just got in trouble for the wrong thing. Something else that has turned my stomach sour and angry.

And here I am feeling like a spoiled little kid because I can't get my way. But I kinda feel I have the right. I did everything perfectly, just as I was supposed to do as a dad and this is supposed to be MY time to go live those dreams I put on hold so many damn years ago. To top it off, I went and fell in love with this beautiful, wonderful gal ... whom I am now responsible for also.

I keep telling myself it wasn't supposed to be like this. This isn't how the plan was supposed to go.

And the futility of it all never ceases to amaze me.