Remember that scene from “An Officer and a Gentleman” where Mayo (Richard Gere) running in place with his rifle above his head while being hosed down with cold water and then has to do 100 pushups in the mud and then after that all that is forced to do leg lifts and Foley (Lou Gossett Jr.) is standing over him and yelling?
Well, if not, then here is a reminder:
Foley: “Now tell me what I want to hear. I want your DOR. I want your DOR.”
Mayo: “I ain’t gonna quit!”
Foley: “Just give me your DOR and you can go home to your daddy and the two of you can get drunk and go whore-chasing together.”
Mayo: “No Sir!”
Foley: “That’s it, you’re out.”
Mayo: “Don’t you do it, don’t you do it. I got no where else to go … *crying* I got no where else to go.”
Well, 2016 is Foley and I am Mayonnaise. It keeps kicking my ass and I keep taking it, because I have no choice. First it was trouble getting the bus started in the cold weather, then I had to replace 2 starters in the jeep, and now we hit something with the mini and the drain plug on the gas tank is stripped out right after I filled up the gas tank. The hits just keep coming and keep us from being able to catch a breath for more than a moment. We are barely keeping our nose out of the muddy water while being forced to do pushups, and my arms are getting weaker and weaker and it feels like if I have to do one more thing, my arms are gonna give out and I’m gonna die, face-down in that mud, and I won’t care I’ll just lay there and drift off because I no longer give a fuck.
I simply do not have anywhere else to go.
Man, I wish I could just quit. I wish I could give my DOR and go home and get drunk and chase whores with my daddy (not that my dad did either one.) That sounds like a great fucking option right now. I’d totally hand in my DOR and get the fuck out. But, like May, “I got no where else to go.”
Come on 2016, just give us a break will you. Give us a little breathing room so we don’t drown in the mud.
Reminds me of one of my favorite cadences that they absolutely would not let us do in Air Force Basic Training:
“Went to his room and lined up 100.
Swore up and down he'd fuck every one.
Fucked 98 till his balls turned blue.
Then he backed off, jacked off, and fucked the other two!”
Monday, February 1, 2016
Friday, December 11, 2015
I Was Bullied by Band Geeks
Two of my best friends from grade school joined the band when we all moved into junior high school. Well, to be honest, they joined the “drum corp,” which could actually be considered pretty damn cool by some people. And it was considered cool even back then.
Anyway, they joined up as drummers and started hanging out with the 8th grade drummers, even though we were all in 7th grade at that point. It was those 8th graders that made my life a living hell for the next year.
I really wanted to join the drum corp also, but we were too poor and I knew it. I didn’t even bother to ask my dad if I could join, because I knew he had enough stress in his life just paying the bills we already had, without having to worry about more bills that come associated with having a kid in band. Instruments cost money. Uniforms cost money. Trips cost money.
I knew how cool those band guys were though, and I REALLY wanted to join and be able to hang out with 2 of my best friends. In fact, I tried hanging out with them even though I wasn’t in band for a while, but I got off to a bad start with their new “buddies.” This was right at a time in my life when my voice was changing, so I kinda sounded like Froggy from “Our Gang.” My voice would crack and break for no reason whatsoever, so I compensated by talking in a very baritone type of voice. Well, the leader of the drum corp was a guy named Clint, and when I was introduced to him I said “My name is Eddie. Eddie Francis,” in that peculiar baritone/Froggy voice of mine … and that was it. He instantly hated me for reasons I never understood.
It should be noted that I was also the shortest guy in junior high, and I stayed the shortest guy until the last month of 8th grade when Augie Shemotti moved into our school and took my place in the year book as “Shortest Dude.” He got to get his picture taken with the girl I’d had a crush on since 4th grade, Marlene Launer. The only girl who was always shorter than I was, and the one that I had wanted more than anything to have my picture taken with. She was my “little red-haired girl,” to my “Charlie Brown.”
So, maybe it was because of my frog voice, or maybe it was because I was so short and easily pick-on-able, but for the next year my best friends turned against me and followed the lead of their new leader Clint, who had decided I was the guy they were going to pick on and harass all year.
Looking back on it from the perspective of an older person, I can see now that Clint probably didn’t have a very good home life. He lived in a trailer park and had long, greasy hair. I didn’t really see any of that back then. What I saw was a kid a year older and 50 pounds heavier than me, who had stolen my two best friends and turned them against me. And it hurt.
Didn’t help that I was not only short with a cracking voice, but I was also pretty socially awkward. I spent most of my time with my nose in books and didn’t really relate well to other kids my age. I also spent an inordinate amount of time bragging about my older brothers, three of which were Green Berets in the Army, well actually only two of them were at that time, the third was a Green Beret in Vietnam, and had long been out of the Army by the time I was in junior high. —see, still doing it today and I’m closer to 50 than not.
Clint and his cronies (including my former two best friends) would chase me all over the school yard with Clint fast on my heels yelling “EDDIE. EDDIE FRANCIS!” In his best imitation of my frog voice. The worst part is that he must have known I had a crush on Marlene Launer, because he always made a point of doing it in front of her, which quadrupled the amount of embarrassment and shame I felt, especially since all I could think to do back then was run away.
Clint and his cronie Bob would also call and order pizza to be delivered to my home. Usually with all the toppings, including sardines, and my dad would get mad at the pizza delivery guy, even though it wasn’t his fault. I knew who was doing it, because at school the next day I would get comments from one of them about pizza on my shirt or the corner of my mouth.
One thing Clint and friends didn’t realize is that I was a teacher’s aide for English, and my teacher taught both grades, which meant that I got to grade all of their papers … and grade them I did. Honestly, I never even had to work that hard at failing them, they did all the work themselves by turning in such shitty work. Passive-aggressive much junior high aged Eddie? Yeah, probably, but it was really the only means I had toward fighting back. The guys that were my friends though, man they EXCELLED at English that year. Even some of the people that had the toughest time usually passing were getting As. You know what they say about friends in low places!
Growing up, I never did forgive Clint for that year. I never really got to be close friends with my former friends again, but at least they stopped picking on me by the time we got to high school. One of them actually went on to tour the world as a drummer in a band, and now today we are all “friends” again on social media. Not that I ever really plan on hanging out with them again, but it’s good to see how their lives turned out, and that a lot of their dreams came true.
I heard the other day that Clint died a couple of months ago from a sudden heart attack. I am sure that most people would be slightly sad about that happening, even to their worst enemy. Not me. I hope Clint died in fucking pain and that his after life is full of someone chasing him around and making his life a living hell, embarrassing him in front of someone he likes.
Hey fucktard Clint! I outlived you dickwad! Suck on that you piece of shit! And now I get to write about your sorry ass and there is nothing you can fucking do about it. Can you guess the name of the bad guy in my novel? Hmmm …. wonder what kind of neurosis people are going to remember you for? Not sure yet, but trust me, it won’t be something you want your name to be associated with!
Anyway, they joined up as drummers and started hanging out with the 8th grade drummers, even though we were all in 7th grade at that point. It was those 8th graders that made my life a living hell for the next year.
I really wanted to join the drum corp also, but we were too poor and I knew it. I didn’t even bother to ask my dad if I could join, because I knew he had enough stress in his life just paying the bills we already had, without having to worry about more bills that come associated with having a kid in band. Instruments cost money. Uniforms cost money. Trips cost money.
I knew how cool those band guys were though, and I REALLY wanted to join and be able to hang out with 2 of my best friends. In fact, I tried hanging out with them even though I wasn’t in band for a while, but I got off to a bad start with their new “buddies.” This was right at a time in my life when my voice was changing, so I kinda sounded like Froggy from “Our Gang.” My voice would crack and break for no reason whatsoever, so I compensated by talking in a very baritone type of voice. Well, the leader of the drum corp was a guy named Clint, and when I was introduced to him I said “My name is Eddie. Eddie Francis,” in that peculiar baritone/Froggy voice of mine … and that was it. He instantly hated me for reasons I never understood.
It should be noted that I was also the shortest guy in junior high, and I stayed the shortest guy until the last month of 8th grade when Augie Shemotti moved into our school and took my place in the year book as “Shortest Dude.” He got to get his picture taken with the girl I’d had a crush on since 4th grade, Marlene Launer. The only girl who was always shorter than I was, and the one that I had wanted more than anything to have my picture taken with. She was my “little red-haired girl,” to my “Charlie Brown.”
So, maybe it was because of my frog voice, or maybe it was because I was so short and easily pick-on-able, but for the next year my best friends turned against me and followed the lead of their new leader Clint, who had decided I was the guy they were going to pick on and harass all year.
Looking back on it from the perspective of an older person, I can see now that Clint probably didn’t have a very good home life. He lived in a trailer park and had long, greasy hair. I didn’t really see any of that back then. What I saw was a kid a year older and 50 pounds heavier than me, who had stolen my two best friends and turned them against me. And it hurt.
Didn’t help that I was not only short with a cracking voice, but I was also pretty socially awkward. I spent most of my time with my nose in books and didn’t really relate well to other kids my age. I also spent an inordinate amount of time bragging about my older brothers, three of which were Green Berets in the Army, well actually only two of them were at that time, the third was a Green Beret in Vietnam, and had long been out of the Army by the time I was in junior high. —see, still doing it today and I’m closer to 50 than not.
Clint and his cronies (including my former two best friends) would chase me all over the school yard with Clint fast on my heels yelling “EDDIE. EDDIE FRANCIS!” In his best imitation of my frog voice. The worst part is that he must have known I had a crush on Marlene Launer, because he always made a point of doing it in front of her, which quadrupled the amount of embarrassment and shame I felt, especially since all I could think to do back then was run away.
Clint and his cronie Bob would also call and order pizza to be delivered to my home. Usually with all the toppings, including sardines, and my dad would get mad at the pizza delivery guy, even though it wasn’t his fault. I knew who was doing it, because at school the next day I would get comments from one of them about pizza on my shirt or the corner of my mouth.
One thing Clint and friends didn’t realize is that I was a teacher’s aide for English, and my teacher taught both grades, which meant that I got to grade all of their papers … and grade them I did. Honestly, I never even had to work that hard at failing them, they did all the work themselves by turning in such shitty work. Passive-aggressive much junior high aged Eddie? Yeah, probably, but it was really the only means I had toward fighting back. The guys that were my friends though, man they EXCELLED at English that year. Even some of the people that had the toughest time usually passing were getting As. You know what they say about friends in low places!
Growing up, I never did forgive Clint for that year. I never really got to be close friends with my former friends again, but at least they stopped picking on me by the time we got to high school. One of them actually went on to tour the world as a drummer in a band, and now today we are all “friends” again on social media. Not that I ever really plan on hanging out with them again, but it’s good to see how their lives turned out, and that a lot of their dreams came true.
I heard the other day that Clint died a couple of months ago from a sudden heart attack. I am sure that most people would be slightly sad about that happening, even to their worst enemy. Not me. I hope Clint died in fucking pain and that his after life is full of someone chasing him around and making his life a living hell, embarrassing him in front of someone he likes.
Hey fucktard Clint! I outlived you dickwad! Suck on that you piece of shit! And now I get to write about your sorry ass and there is nothing you can fucking do about it. Can you guess the name of the bad guy in my novel? Hmmm …. wonder what kind of neurosis people are going to remember you for? Not sure yet, but trust me, it won’t be something you want your name to be associated with!
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Test Drive
We took our first foray into the wilderness this weekend with the bus. Sort of a test drive to see how everything works, which, honestly has kind of worried me since we bought it for the ridiculously low price of $1,200, and we didn't bother to take it to a mechanic first and have it checked out, or really did anything more than turn on the lights and the engine and ran it though the gears to make sure they all worked.
For the test drive we decided to head out to our favorite hot springs located on the Idaho/Oregon border on the Owyhee River. Snively Hot Springs (http://www.idahohotsprings.com/destinations/snively/) is a 79 mile drive from where we are staying in Boise (each way) and I thought it would make the perfect test run. It's far enough out of town to make it a good test, but close enough that if things went wrong we would be able to call someone to come help us. Besides, it's a fucking hot springs and we can soak all day and night! Well, technically it closes at sundown, but I rarely pay attention to that kind of stuff, and so far I have been lucky in that I have never been caught. Besides, I honestly think stupid rules like "closed at night" need to be broken. Look at it this way: the hot springs is on public land and belongs to the public, the people that patrol said public land are "public servants" who are paid by the taxes we pay, therefore they work for US, and if we (the people who pay their salary) say that we want the hot springs open at night for us to use it, then that should be our right. Just because some other dumbasses came along at some point in history and abused that right and left the hot springs a mess, does not mean that we will do the same. That's like saying "oh sorry, you can't have a gun because at one time a serial killer used a gun." Fuck that. The hot springs belongs to us, which is why I have no problem breaking stupid rules like that. (End of rant.)
Anyway, Friday while I am sitting at work I was all the sudden like "Damn, I want to go to the hot springs." So I texted Candy and we decided to go ahead and just do it. (I love being spontaneous like that.) So we packed up the bus, grabbed some food to take along and hit the road.
Well ... almost.
The first problem we did discover was that a couple of warning buzzers would not stop going off. Buzzer #1 was by the back door, and is meant as a signal that the back door is locked (the back door can't be locked when the vehicle is moving. I'm thinking it's a safety issue if the school bus was full of children and the bus crashed, it has to be available as an emergency exit.) So Candy, being handy with a screwdriver (handy Candy ... lol) pulled the cover off the buzzer and disconnected it. Buzzer #2 was basically the same thing but located at the front of the bus. We did the same thing and disconnected it also. What worries me though is that neither buzzer was going off the first time I moved the bus, right after we bought it. Guess we will find out later on down the road if either of these is going to be an issue.
Once we got that all sorted out, we did finally hit the road. The buzzer thing might have been a blessing in disguise, because we ended up missing all the Friday night after-work, rush-hour traffic that is usually an issue between Boise and Nampa. We had a clear shot and didn't have to change lanes a bunch of times, which, if truth be told, was a big relief to me as I haven't really driven anything this big since my Air Force days when I used to haul Nukes, and that was damn near 30 years ago.
One thing we need to figure out is either how to make a gate that keeps our 100#+ dog, Sadie, from being right in my face when I am driving ... OR ... at the very least a shoulder pad and sleeve that I can wear to keep all the drool off my shoulder and arm.
We were very fortunate to have such a beautiful evening for the drive out there. The weather was a perfect 80 degrees, and there were just enough clouds in the sky to make for an awesome sunset.
We didn't make it to the hot springs until well after dark, which was a little bit hairy on some of those curvy back-hill, one-lane roads, but we made it without a hitch. Well, at least until we got there and I overshot the parking lot in the dark and had to back down the road about 50 yards in the dark.
Reminder to self ... fix the back up lights, and/or install a video backup system so I can see where the fuck I am backing up in the dark.
I would have taken more pics of the hot springs itself, but for one my camera is broken, and for two I wasn't about to take my phone down near the water and have it break also, so instead I'm just gonna post an old pic I have taken of the hot springs here, and if you have seen it before, just ignore it. (Taken last January.)
All-in-all it was a very successful weekend, although we had planned on staying until Sunday morning before we left to go back to town, we ended up leaving Saturday evening and driving halfway back to Boise because of all the damn flies that kept harassing us all weekend. That will teach us to park anywhere close to the outhouse!
The reason we only drove halfway back Saturday night is because we stopped at a truck stop and had dinner in the restaurant, and afterwards I was like "Fuck it. I'm full. I'm tired. We have a bed. Let's just sleep here." So we did.
We arrived back in Boise about 7am this morning, which was a good thing because we needed to back down the street where we are staying, and to do that we have to cross a busy thoroughfare that is usually packed with cars ... BY BACKING ACROSS THE ROAD. Proved to be no problem at 7am on a Sunday morning.
Well, that's it for now. Future plans include waiting til next payday (Oct. 5) so that we can buy wood flooring and install it.
The adventure continues ....
#skoolie #hotsprings #snively #testdrive #owyheeriver #offgridliving #schoolbus #idaho/oregon
For the test drive we decided to head out to our favorite hot springs located on the Idaho/Oregon border on the Owyhee River. Snively Hot Springs (http://www.idahohotsprings.com/destinations/snively/) is a 79 mile drive from where we are staying in Boise (each way) and I thought it would make the perfect test run. It's far enough out of town to make it a good test, but close enough that if things went wrong we would be able to call someone to come help us. Besides, it's a fucking hot springs and we can soak all day and night! Well, technically it closes at sundown, but I rarely pay attention to that kind of stuff, and so far I have been lucky in that I have never been caught. Besides, I honestly think stupid rules like "closed at night" need to be broken. Look at it this way: the hot springs is on public land and belongs to the public, the people that patrol said public land are "public servants" who are paid by the taxes we pay, therefore they work for US, and if we (the people who pay their salary) say that we want the hot springs open at night for us to use it, then that should be our right. Just because some other dumbasses came along at some point in history and abused that right and left the hot springs a mess, does not mean that we will do the same. That's like saying "oh sorry, you can't have a gun because at one time a serial killer used a gun." Fuck that. The hot springs belongs to us, which is why I have no problem breaking stupid rules like that. (End of rant.)
Anyway, Friday while I am sitting at work I was all the sudden like "Damn, I want to go to the hot springs." So I texted Candy and we decided to go ahead and just do it. (I love being spontaneous like that.) So we packed up the bus, grabbed some food to take along and hit the road.
Well ... almost.
The first problem we did discover was that a couple of warning buzzers would not stop going off. Buzzer #1 was by the back door, and is meant as a signal that the back door is locked (the back door can't be locked when the vehicle is moving. I'm thinking it's a safety issue if the school bus was full of children and the bus crashed, it has to be available as an emergency exit.) So Candy, being handy with a screwdriver (handy Candy ... lol) pulled the cover off the buzzer and disconnected it. Buzzer #2 was basically the same thing but located at the front of the bus. We did the same thing and disconnected it also. What worries me though is that neither buzzer was going off the first time I moved the bus, right after we bought it. Guess we will find out later on down the road if either of these is going to be an issue.
Once we got that all sorted out, we did finally hit the road. The buzzer thing might have been a blessing in disguise, because we ended up missing all the Friday night after-work, rush-hour traffic that is usually an issue between Boise and Nampa. We had a clear shot and didn't have to change lanes a bunch of times, which, if truth be told, was a big relief to me as I haven't really driven anything this big since my Air Force days when I used to haul Nukes, and that was damn near 30 years ago.
One thing we need to figure out is either how to make a gate that keeps our 100#+ dog, Sadie, from being right in my face when I am driving ... OR ... at the very least a shoulder pad and sleeve that I can wear to keep all the drool off my shoulder and arm.
Reminder to self ... fix the back up lights, and/or install a video backup system so I can see where the fuck I am backing up in the dark.
I would have taken more pics of the hot springs itself, but for one my camera is broken, and for two I wasn't about to take my phone down near the water and have it break also, so instead I'm just gonna post an old pic I have taken of the hot springs here, and if you have seen it before, just ignore it. (Taken last January.)
All-in-all it was a very successful weekend, although we had planned on staying until Sunday morning before we left to go back to town, we ended up leaving Saturday evening and driving halfway back to Boise because of all the damn flies that kept harassing us all weekend. That will teach us to park anywhere close to the outhouse!
The reason we only drove halfway back Saturday night is because we stopped at a truck stop and had dinner in the restaurant, and afterwards I was like "Fuck it. I'm full. I'm tired. We have a bed. Let's just sleep here." So we did.
We arrived back in Boise about 7am this morning, which was a good thing because we needed to back down the street where we are staying, and to do that we have to cross a busy thoroughfare that is usually packed with cars ... BY BACKING ACROSS THE ROAD. Proved to be no problem at 7am on a Sunday morning.
Well, that's it for now. Future plans include waiting til next payday (Oct. 5) so that we can buy wood flooring and install it.
The adventure continues ....
#skoolie #hotsprings #snively #testdrive #owyheeriver #offgridliving #schoolbus #idaho/oregon
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Fruitless Weekend
This weekend we were really hoping to find a more permanent place to park the bus before we can begin to work on it, but as it turns out, all the real estate and rental companies were looking forward to the 3-day weekend also and all took off like their offices were on fire and filled with fire-proof spiders that have a taste for human flesh and think it's rather delicious. So, no matter how many phone calls or emails I sent Friday afternoon they weren't returned. Well, except one guy that I called Friday morning, and he only returned my call to say he busy running from spiders and might call me back on Tuesday if he lived through the weekend.
So, not wanting to tear the bus completely apart in the parking lot at my work, we did the next best thing .... organized.
It's amazing how much crap a person realizes they don't need after living in a bus for a week with another person, a dog that is larger than either person and two space-occupying cats who just rightly assume that everything is theirs. I was able to condense down my tool boxes from 3 large monstrosities, to merely 2 large monstrosities. The purchase of a clothes duffle bag, much as we used to use in basic training, really help to get a bunch of the mess relocated to a single spot, and a quick trip to the thrift store (there is no such thing as a quick trip to a thrift store, btw) helped by finding a couple of wall hangers that could be hung flat to the wall and allowed us to hang a bunch of stuff up out of the way for the time being.
Mostly though my weekend was taken up with fucking around with crap on the internet, and drawing up plans for how we want to remodel the bus.
Actually the drawing up of the plans didn't take that long, it was the multiple "honey, can you move this over here so I can see how it looks" from my loving and beautiful wife that took the most amount of time.
Anyway, here is the basic floorplan we finally agreed on:
Here it is showing the storage above the bed and above the windows:
Here is the right wall if you are standing at the drivers seat looking toward the back of the bus:
The left wall stading at the driver and looking toward the back:
And finally the draft of where the electrical lines, plumbing lines and gas lines need to run. We opted to get a composting toilet instead of a regular one because I don't like the thought of a black tank for waste and we want to be more environmentally friendly.
So far this is all just the basics and will probably change 100 more times if my wife has her way, but this is WAYYYY easier than actually moving furniture!
So, not wanting to tear the bus completely apart in the parking lot at my work, we did the next best thing .... organized.
It's amazing how much crap a person realizes they don't need after living in a bus for a week with another person, a dog that is larger than either person and two space-occupying cats who just rightly assume that everything is theirs. I was able to condense down my tool boxes from 3 large monstrosities, to merely 2 large monstrosities. The purchase of a clothes duffle bag, much as we used to use in basic training, really help to get a bunch of the mess relocated to a single spot, and a quick trip to the thrift store (there is no such thing as a quick trip to a thrift store, btw) helped by finding a couple of wall hangers that could be hung flat to the wall and allowed us to hang a bunch of stuff up out of the way for the time being.
Mostly though my weekend was taken up with fucking around with crap on the internet, and drawing up plans for how we want to remodel the bus.
Actually the drawing up of the plans didn't take that long, it was the multiple "honey, can you move this over here so I can see how it looks" from my loving and beautiful wife that took the most amount of time.
Anyway, here is the basic floorplan we finally agreed on:
Monday, August 31, 2015
Goodbye last chapter
Another chapter in this crazy thing I call "life" came to a close yesterday, and for just a little bit I was feeling maudlin about closing it and moving on to a new chapter. Only for a little bit though.
What a weekend though. Man did we get a workout. We got all our stuff completely moved out and packed into a 12' trailer, a little work trailer we tow behind the jeep and into the bus, which showed us just how much stuff we have to get rid of to be able to live this kind of life where the bus is our home.
One thing to note though is that I threw my back out moving down here from Coeur d'Alene two years ago and have suffered stoically (or not so stoically if you ask my wife) though the pain and have been to a chiropractor a few times since we got here. On Saturday when my wife was gone doing some errand I was still moving stuff into the bus, and you know how school buses are with the big door at the back? Well I had just taken a load into the bus and was coming out of the bus stepping down to a little step stool and I slipped and fell really hard. I landed with the very middle of my back on the back of the bus, bent over backwards and afraid that I had just severed my spinal cord. I'm not lying when I say I was completely scared and freaked out and all I could do was stand there in complete pain afraid to move for several minutes. I didn't even try to call out for help because I knew no one was around, and I was alone and all on my own. When I did finally dare to move, I straightened up slowly, sure that I was never going to be able to move the rest of the stuff into the bus and I would be forced to rely on other people, but 'lo and behold I was fine. In fact more than fine. My back had finally "POPPED" back into place.
Apparently my chiropractor has been going about fixing my back the wrong way. What he needed to do was just bend me over completely backwards with a knee in my back, and then pull with all his might.
So anyway, last night we pulled out of the driveway and drove the bus across town to where I work and spent the night parked alongside the building. The nice this is that I have the combination to go in the building, so I was able to run an extension cord inside and hook us up to power, and since we are parked right next to my office, we are able to get wi-fi coming from computer. So we had a nice relaxing evening snacking on pizza and watching Netflix on my 46" TV which is sitting on a dresser at the end of our bed. It actually kinda felt like we were in a movie theater ... but with comfortable seating.
This morning I tore down the walls of my pride and took my boss and the owner aside and asked for permission to park next to the building until we can find a more permanent place to make this our home, and I was greatly relieved and more than a little overjoyed when they said it would be fine, and asked if there was anything else they could do to help.
There are many things I don't like about Boise, and about working at a job that keeps me stuck in front of a computer all day long and rarely ever seeing the sun, but my bosses are NOT one of those things. They are truly compassionate people who are always willing to lend a hand, and I'm not even sure why I was hesitant to ask them, as I knew what kind of people they were. Too often I let my own pride get in the way of doing the things I need to do. I really want to try to not be that way as we go off into the future into our new life, and to be joyful and thankful of those that help us along the way.
What a weekend though. Man did we get a workout. We got all our stuff completely moved out and packed into a 12' trailer, a little work trailer we tow behind the jeep and into the bus, which showed us just how much stuff we have to get rid of to be able to live this kind of life where the bus is our home.
One thing to note though is that I threw my back out moving down here from Coeur d'Alene two years ago and have suffered stoically (or not so stoically if you ask my wife) though the pain and have been to a chiropractor a few times since we got here. On Saturday when my wife was gone doing some errand I was still moving stuff into the bus, and you know how school buses are with the big door at the back? Well I had just taken a load into the bus and was coming out of the bus stepping down to a little step stool and I slipped and fell really hard. I landed with the very middle of my back on the back of the bus, bent over backwards and afraid that I had just severed my spinal cord. I'm not lying when I say I was completely scared and freaked out and all I could do was stand there in complete pain afraid to move for several minutes. I didn't even try to call out for help because I knew no one was around, and I was alone and all on my own. When I did finally dare to move, I straightened up slowly, sure that I was never going to be able to move the rest of the stuff into the bus and I would be forced to rely on other people, but 'lo and behold I was fine. In fact more than fine. My back had finally "POPPED" back into place.
Apparently my chiropractor has been going about fixing my back the wrong way. What he needed to do was just bend me over completely backwards with a knee in my back, and then pull with all his might.
So anyway, last night we pulled out of the driveway and drove the bus across town to where I work and spent the night parked alongside the building. The nice this is that I have the combination to go in the building, so I was able to run an extension cord inside and hook us up to power, and since we are parked right next to my office, we are able to get wi-fi coming from computer. So we had a nice relaxing evening snacking on pizza and watching Netflix on my 46" TV which is sitting on a dresser at the end of our bed. It actually kinda felt like we were in a movie theater ... but with comfortable seating.
This morning I tore down the walls of my pride and took my boss and the owner aside and asked for permission to park next to the building until we can find a more permanent place to make this our home, and I was greatly relieved and more than a little overjoyed when they said it would be fine, and asked if there was anything else they could do to help.
There are many things I don't like about Boise, and about working at a job that keeps me stuck in front of a computer all day long and rarely ever seeing the sun, but my bosses are NOT one of those things. They are truly compassionate people who are always willing to lend a hand, and I'm not even sure why I was hesitant to ask them, as I knew what kind of people they were. Too often I let my own pride get in the way of doing the things I need to do. I really want to try to not be that way as we go off into the future into our new life, and to be joyful and thankful of those that help us along the way.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Anxiety level
I don't usually get anxious about most things. I feel like I am a fairly grounded person and things in life have always worked out for me where I have always had a roof over my head, food to eat, a bug-free place to sleep in comfort, and a warm shower to make me feel clean and healthy.
Then again, I have never set out to put myself in a position of homelessness.
The thought of NOT having a home to come to after work where I can relax and play some video games and maybe watch some tube, and cook dinner on a functional stove, is sending my anxiety level skyrocketing today.
I freely admit, I am really scared about our decision, and if I was a praying sort of person I would be so inclined right now, but seeing as I have usually only prayed to the gods of fishing and sex, I'm pretty sure the other ones know I have been ignoring them for years, so I am sure they are up there looking down on me and having a riotous good laugh at my expense right now. Do you think there is a god of homelessness?
Then again, I have never set out to put myself in a position of homelessness.
The thought of NOT having a home to come to after work where I can relax and play some video games and maybe watch some tube, and cook dinner on a functional stove, is sending my anxiety level skyrocketing today.
I freely admit, I am really scared about our decision, and if I was a praying sort of person I would be so inclined right now, but seeing as I have usually only prayed to the gods of fishing and sex, I'm pretty sure the other ones know I have been ignoring them for years, so I am sure they are up there looking down on me and having a riotous good laugh at my expense right now. Do you think there is a god of homelessness?
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Moving stuff, then moving it again
So with the clock quickly ticking down on the time we are in a "normal" living abode, we packed almost everything we owned in an enclosed trailer a few days ago before we bought the bus in the anticipation of moving out to some friends property in Mountain Home, Idaho. Turns out our friends boyfriend who owns the property has very little sense of humor and borders on being a psycho ... so we passed.
Now that we have the bus we have had to rethink where we want our possessions, which means that this evening I had to tear into the already stored stuff in the trailer and pull out the items that we immediately want in the bus. Of course, as it turns out, everything we wanted was clear at the fucking front of the trailer, so we pretty much unloaded the whole damn thing, to get to a few items. Tomorrow I may think about repacking the trailer.
On a plus note, I sweated my ass off, so I consider that my workout for the day, and I drank a liter of water, so yeah, there's that too! I may have undone all that hard work and water drinking by slamming a beer though. Oh well, we only live once, unless you subscribe to Buddhism, then you might make it around this clock a few times. I kinda do subscribe to that chain of thinking, so take that for what you will.
Anyway, one of my major worries right now is that we have no place to park our bus while we work on it and make it a home. Mainly I am worried about our dog and cat and how hot they may get during the day when we are at work. In fact, I am incredibly worried about that more than anything else, and so far I have no answer.
With that weighing heavily on my mind, I decided to throw it out there to the universe and see if it came back at me with a resounding slap in the face or a tickle of the balls. I decided to write a craigslist ad (I know, only serial killers use craigslist, but I'm kinda desperate).
Here is the ad I wrote:
I've already had the universe start responding. A very nice cross dresser said she has some friends with property just 20 minutes down the road and she is going to talk to them. They need help with bills, and as it just happens we have the money to help, and they have the land for us to live on. We will see tomorrow if this is going to be a viable thing or not.
For tonight, I think I shall go take a shower and hit the sack.
Now that we have the bus we have had to rethink where we want our possessions, which means that this evening I had to tear into the already stored stuff in the trailer and pull out the items that we immediately want in the bus. Of course, as it turns out, everything we wanted was clear at the fucking front of the trailer, so we pretty much unloaded the whole damn thing, to get to a few items. Tomorrow I may think about repacking the trailer.
On a plus note, I sweated my ass off, so I consider that my workout for the day, and I drank a liter of water, so yeah, there's that too! I may have undone all that hard work and water drinking by slamming a beer though. Oh well, we only live once, unless you subscribe to Buddhism, then you might make it around this clock a few times. I kinda do subscribe to that chain of thinking, so take that for what you will.
Anyway, one of my major worries right now is that we have no place to park our bus while we work on it and make it a home. Mainly I am worried about our dog and cat and how hot they may get during the day when we are at work. In fact, I am incredibly worried about that more than anything else, and so far I have no answer.
With that weighing heavily on my mind, I decided to throw it out there to the universe and see if it came back at me with a resounding slap in the face or a tickle of the balls. I decided to write a craigslist ad (I know, only serial killers use craigslist, but I'm kinda desperate).
Here is the ad I wrote:
Hey there awesome people!!! Don't let the $300 discourage you, that is what we would "like" to pay, but we are willing to bargain and work out a deal!
OK, so here is the deal. My fabulous wife and I are looking for a place to park/live and remodel our new-to-us school bus into an RV/Home. That's right, you cool cats, we have a "Skoolie" and we intend to make this our forever home!
Sounds crazy right? Sure, it might be, but it's our dream to make this into something incredibly awesome that we will be proud to show off to our family, friends and complete strangers.
About now you are probably thinking "Oh crap, damn hippies!" The thing is you are only partially right! My wife has that whole hippie thing going on where she sees the good in everyone, and she loves to garden (in fact is still working on her degree in botany/therapy) and she is just one of those lovely people that everyone loves to hang out with and is like everyone's mom ... that cusses enough to make a sailor blush! On the other hand is me, the shaved head dude with the long goatee and horn rim glasses looking almost like an old hipster. I do photography for fun and have a steady job as a graphic designer (been doing it for almost 20 years now ... shit that seems like a long time!) who loves to drink his micro brews and play video games when I have the time, which I won't for a while since we are going to be poring our blood, sweat and tears into making this bus our home.
Oh, just to make things perfectly clear WE ARE NOT VEGANS. Nope, I likes me a good fricken steak, and it better be bloody rare! And BACON!! OMG, I love bacon. That shit is gonna kill me one of these days, but it's a hella way to go, right? Did I mention my wife is a kickass cook! Hells yeah! That woman can make a gourmet meal outta scraps and if you live anywhere close you are gonna be drooling and invite yourself over to eat with us as often as possible ... and you know you are totally welcome at our table anytime! Warning though, she starts most dishes with a healthy amount of garlic, so if you're a night crawling vampire with your fangs out, you may have to pass on her cooking!
Along with us comes 100 pounds of furry love in the form of an Anatolian Shepherd (think cross between a St. Bernard and a German Shepherd) who has instilled in her from generations of breeding to protect sheep from wolves. She doesn't like other dogs much until they have submitted to her will, not that she would actually attack them, but she has a 98 decibel bark that is scary as fricken hell. I know, because when she has to go outside to go pee, she gets right in my face and it looks like a hell hound is going to rip my face off ... luckily I know she loves me and wouldn't actually ever hurt anything, hell she ignores the squirrels on the fence throwing acorns at her, and she thinks our cat is one of her sheep that she has to protect. For that matter, I'm pretty sure she thinks we are sheep, and her job is to make sure no wolves (dogs) are able to get within 10 feet of us. But you know what, she is gonna be our security system when we finally say "screw it all" and hit the road. Pretty sure we will never have to worry about anyone getting close with how loud her bark is. What we should worry about is if we are going to be able to keep our hearing in tact when she decides to use that voice inside the bus! Speaking of which, if you happen to have a construction site and you want overnight security and don't mind us working on our bus ... well the three of us would be a fricken bargain! We would be ecstatic to exchange security service for a place to park for a few months while you build around us!
By now, if you are still here, you are asking yourself "what can I do to help out these awesome fricken people?" Well let me tell you brother and sister, what we are looking for is a little bit of land to put our bus on (And that big ol' bastard runs! She ain't just gonna sit there forever, because we won't be able to sit still for long) and maybe share in your power and water until we can get our solar system paid for and installed, and the bus looking like an awesome 300 sq ft tiny home on wheels! For a short time we will need just a little extra space for a P.O.S. broken down RV we are going to buy and straight out strip the parts from, and then that piece of shit is gonna go to the scrap yard. But trust me, I'm gonna get this done as quickly as possible so that no is put out by that eyesore for very long. I may be an artist, but I'm an artist with a work ethic that knows how to get shit done.
Now we are looking to be as close to Boise/Garden City as possible because, you know, that's where I go to put in my time and get those almighty useful green pieces of paper that I am going to use to pay you for letting us park at your place and share your water and electricity! The closer we live to work, the less I will have to pay on gas to get back and forth to work, and the more I can afford to pay you!
Now that you have decided that you are already in love with us, and you can't imagine your life without us in it, give us a jingle, write us a text or an email, or simply speak to the wind and hope we are on the same wave length of spiritual awareness (the last one is not nearly as reliable a form as communication as one would hope) and lets talk, have a drink together (tea works fine too) and discuss the details!
Thank you, namaste, gracious, Go raibh maith agat, etc. etc. etc ...
Alf & Candy
seven0four nineteen sixty seven
obligatory hashtags
#property, #schoolbus, #wegotcash, #renttous
I've already had the universe start responding. A very nice cross dresser said she has some friends with property just 20 minutes down the road and she is going to talk to them. They need help with bills, and as it just happens we have the money to help, and they have the land for us to live on. We will see tomorrow if this is going to be a viable thing or not.
For tonight, I think I shall go take a shower and hit the sack.
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